Why not Giving him one?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

“Isn’t it that giving a second chance is as hard as forgiving someone? Or as hard as trusting a stranger? Or forgetting all the pain you have? But somehow, giving someone a second chance making them realizes mistakes, pushing them to change.”

5^th day of December, first Saturday, we had a Career Factor in school. This was our second meeting, meaning it was my second chance to be trained as a facilitator of different High School students, and to show what I got, though I was new in the team. At this point, I had to be very keen and to act as if I was really the facilitator, well-trained, and had much experience. This day was very tiring, yet enjoying and educational. All of us were on the go, enjoying the whole day. At the end of the program, we won! Though not the first place, we were still the 2^nd placer. We felt the joy of victory! Fate gave me a second chance to facilitate again, that was for me to bring the group to the top.

As we arrived home, I checked for any e-mails and of course, I logged in to YM. I had this friend of mine, a very, very close guy friend. We had a small chat, updating one another about college. As the small chat turned into long talk, the conversation got deeper. To sum up the whole thing (Sorry, this is too confidential. Stating some or the whole conversation won’t be shared), the he was asking for a second chance. In the middle of the conversation, I heard again those promises, reasons and explanations, excuses, realizations, compliments, apology, that showed sincerity, and such that I was afraid to believe and trust with.

I asked myself:

                ”How am I suppose to give him a second chance?”

                “How am I able to trust his words” and followed by this statement, “I learned my lessons! This is stupidity if I give one…”

It was really the most stupid thing to do, letting others to have another chance, yet still doing the same. In contrary, it wasn’t giving a chance that was hard, it was trusting. Learning from the past brought damage into your ‘trust crystal’ that made you feel doubt on the person committed mistake on you; that you were afraid that he might do the same.

On the other hand, people changed and continue to chance. Though they gave pain your heart before, as the time passed by, they realized their mistakes they would ask for your forgiveness, begging for another chance for them to show their sincerity. I knew they also feel what you got, they thought about that matter before, but asking for those were the best thing to do for guilty would leave their conscience.

Honestly, I really did not know if I would give a second chance or not. I was still looking for a good basis or the what-he-got for him to be forgiven and deserving for it. The two sides of me were having an argument, one said I must give him a chance because everyone deserved to have; and the other was stating all the negative what-ifs it had. I was afraid to trust for I knew I would be open again in pain and my weaknesses would be shown, and then I would be hurt again in the end, though happiness dropped first. There was a great tendency of those things to be real, until such point that trusting would be voided.

I was thinking about the cycle of pain via giving a chance. I would give someone a second chance for me to see his sincerity of changing, yet I had a doubt to him that made me blind of his improvements, where his failure was the only thing I saw. In result, I would reject him, realizing that I gave a chance then he wasted it. Another I idea was, I gave my whole trust to him, hoping that in the second chance I granted him would change him in good, like what he promised but in the end, he didn’t improve and gave another agony to you. Then sorrow would continue and continue until at the time that I, myself would realize that the chances I gave were all wasted.  Which is which, both would yield in something bad.

“What was with that two-word that it made so hard to be granted to him? Or was it because I wasn’t holding on something, the assurance of his change? Or was it my emotion controlling my decision?”

As I woke up, Sunday, and until Monday, I was thinking of the same thing and came up with a decision, that giving him one. I knew if I gave him, the cycle of mistakes might not end, but as long as the fact of change is there, that I am learning in every hurt I got and in every lesson I encountered, I promise, I would be the one to stop the stupidity of chances.

                                “If God gave His men another chance, why not us giving them another chance…”