Just Act...

Act like as if nothing happens. Act like as if everything is beautiful. Act like you seems so happy and positive. Act like as if you were not hurt. Act like things are right. Act like you believe of what you hear and have. Act like everything is real. Just Act, this way we could move on from the past.


But how long will I act this way. That everything to me is normal and perfect. I couldn't be somebody or anybody from the past. for I can't bring those all back. Past is far different from the present, and from tomorrow. I couldn't bring back the dead, but could only reminisce. That's how hard it it is.

And from this act we are doing, we are fooling our audience, ourselves. We are making things that is really not in to me, or in to you. Act endlessly until such time it looks normal, like the same old way. But I can't. It's not  my way of forgiving and forgetting.

I can't do anything. But to go along with what you started. You act like as if nothing happened. You act like as if you don't really care. And from the act I am thoroughly hurt. Do you feel the same? The same that I do? If you do, why do you still continue?

And the days passed after the night of 23. Try to act normal again, each days. It is hard, but I am trying. I am trying to be a good actress. L wanted to have our friendship back. For me, we always have that. It never dies. But what L is doing seems so unreal. Seems that each day L's faking everything that being said, that being showed. Why do we have to hide everything?

Instead of doing this acts, why don't we just start again. Let's start a new chapter, instead of going back and do some changes. We are writing this book with no turning backs. Everything is permanent, and the only way is to tear it. I want to start it all over again in this new year to come. But you seems so attached to me and that would be impossible. I want to do the normal things we do as friends. And not acting like normal friends. I want to continue this book, with another good story, so please stop acting this way?

Coz I am tired of waiting for how long it will takes. Distance apart won;'t make things better but worse. It would just lead to a gap between one another. I don't want to happened. You are still special to me. And I treasure you like a gift.

So if you are reading this now, you might have read also my mind. I wanted to move on in a way that none of as go on a distance. I wanted to move on in a way of realizing that things are really better in some way. I want to move on, and not to lose someone else. I want to move on with your help.

But if you couldn't do it, fine. I guess I don't have any choice but to let you. And I don't have any choice but to accept your decision. I'll be fine. Like what you always said. But you do not hear what I really want and do not ask of what is good for me. You decide that as if you really care, but those decisions make things bad to me. Still, thank you. Thank you for your care. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me believe that I am strong.


*The last favor that I would ask, is free your heart from all the boundaries you have created. Those don't protect you from hurt, but do kill you slowly. Even though it's not for me and for someone else. Just listen to what I said.